I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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