Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
