She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
