So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
