Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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