are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
