Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
someone owes me an orgasm
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
