the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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