I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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