a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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