Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize