What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
