so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize