I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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