$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
