Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
