New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
is wine microwaveable?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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