there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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