Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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