I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
