She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
as a side note pls kill me
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
