My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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