roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
