Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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