I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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