dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
