Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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