Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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