3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize