I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
