I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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