Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
