I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I FOUND THE LEGS
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
