I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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