I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
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