When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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