have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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