Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.