"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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