Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
