Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He passed out mid-signature
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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