bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
