I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
