Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just found a bag of teeth...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
