I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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