so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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