You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
