I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
