This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
