Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
