I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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