Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
