either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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