Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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