Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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