The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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