What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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