Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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