If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
